woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
