Betty ford says i'm here all night
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
