Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Apparently you make a good broom.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
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I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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