the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hippo gnu deer
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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