I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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