Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
