Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
