there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
