I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
