so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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