you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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