I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
