So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
