i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
