I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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