Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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