why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
