Who did Billy Mays play for?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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