There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
