so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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