Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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