Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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