i just had sex bonerless
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
