she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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