so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He shit in the fireplace
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
