haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
