I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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