just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
