When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
