I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
