so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
