the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
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