It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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