you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
should my penis look like a turkey
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
