i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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