Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
