Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
