i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
