The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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