ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When are your genitals available?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize