he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
