i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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