Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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