What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
