We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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