Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
