Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
