i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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