Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
