I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize