i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
