Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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