If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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