we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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