The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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