you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
