I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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