I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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