why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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