people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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