There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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