i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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