there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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