i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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