1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Your dad touched me again.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
