Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
