you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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