Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
