I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We had to coat check the pizza.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
