I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
