i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
