she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we're so committed to being not committed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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