I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
