i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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