I heard we made out
My liver just broke up with me...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
