I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
