i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
