he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
