Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
