why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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