I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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