he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
There's even glitter on my cock...
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