I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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