You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
