I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
