What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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