I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
