what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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