so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
