the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
