Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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