Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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