If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
